I don’t know how to say this or even how to try and start saying it, it’s not even that important,
Maybe it is, what I know is that you can’t ever catch me caring about this, I mean I think about it when I suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, and I just quarrel with myself over how things could have been better, maybe I could have behaved differently or NOT.
Anyhow, the thing is, I stopped being disappointed by people long ago after I promised myself not to expect anything from anybody, nor good neither bad, this way, whatever they do wouldn't affect me cause I’m done judging or believing in people for that matter.
But no matter how you many codes you give to your life to keep it harmless, to get away from all the pain flowing your way, to be distant, desensitized, again somehow, by some fate-like hand you just forget about the rules, YOUR rules and you entangle yourself in some tortuous complicated web of discomfort and distrust.
It happens when you guess that maybe this new person has a built-up personality, understands better and sees things through, well you're wrong he doesn't. And yes, they are all right when they say age is only a number and men at their thirteen or thirties would just disappoint you the same.
 It’s funny how people want you to understand it all when it’s all about them, get them, be a savvy person, be a mature woman, give and not take, be patient, be all there, be freaking whatever they want and to you they are cold-hearted bastards, I wouldn't even know how anyone can even let their minds think for ONE second, how a girl could go out with you, make love to you, be there for you, make it light for you, stand up for you, make it as a friend for you and still be nothing to you!!!
I’m done trying, I’m done understanding, I’m done believing, so if you ever need a robot-girlfriend don’t knock on my door, I’m away!