Sometimes things just happen without giving any scope to react to avoid them.
So, there I was happy around 8 in evening, that after so many days I was about to reach home early. So there I was, with my car stopped at the traffic signal. And a concrete mixer truck comes from my right and swerved left to take the left turn. I couldn't move either forward or backward (vehicles behind) and it grazed past my car's right front part.
So helpless! So frustrated! Felt like blurting out the entire abuse vocab, I possess. But of no use. I reversed a bit back to avoid further damage. The truck found the space it needed and sped away. I crossed the red light, rested my car to the left side of the road. Bumper swinging down, both right indicators gone, metal sheet dented a couple of inches inside, and a whole lot of frustration, anger and somberness.
Everybody plays the role of spectator so often. But when you turn a mere spectator to the things happening to you, it feels bad, very very bad. We start to think futile things. If only I had stayed in office 5 minutes longer, if only I had driven a couple of minutes faster, if only I taken a separate route and all other futile Ifs.
Then I got myself reminded about the 20-80 rule. It says 20% of things happening to us have got our no control on them. 80% others depend on how we react. The principle can be understood by following example (mention in the mail)
You are having breakfast with your family.
Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee
Onto your business shirt.
You have no control over what has just happened.
What happens next will be determined by how you react.
You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.
She breaks down in tears.
After scolding her, you turn to your wife
and you criticize her for placing the cup
too close to the edge of the table.
A short verbal battle follows.
You storm upstairs and change your shirt.
Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying
to finish her breakfast and getting ready to go to school.
She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work.
You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school.
Because you are late, you drive 40 miles per hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone.
After a 15-minute delay and throwing
$60.00 traffic fine away, you arrive at school.
Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye.
After arriving at the office 20 minute late,
You realize you forgot your briefcase.
Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse.
You look forward to coming home. When you arrive home, you find a small wedge
in your relationship with your wife and daughter.
Why?
Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?
A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?
The answer is “D”
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened
Coffee splashes over you.
Your daughter is about to cry.
You gently say:
“It’s okay, honey, you just need to be
More careful next time.”
Grabbing a towel you go upstairs and change your shirt.
You grab your briefcase, and you come back down in time to look through
the window and see your child getting on the bus.
She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early a cheerfully greet the staff.
Notice the difference?
So now I am a bit more relaxed than my initial state of mind..... :-)
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